


I want to eat your pancreas

by theangstuniversalgod



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: #angst, #bokuaka - Freeform, #imsorryforthis, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27562330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theangstuniversalgod/pseuds/theangstuniversalgod
Summary: An aloof boy comes across a book in a hospital waiting room. He soon discovers that it is a diary kept by his very popular classmate who reveals to him that he is secretly suffering from a fatal pancreatic illness.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 15





	I want to eat your pancreas

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I want to eat your pancreas](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/713494) by Yoru Sumino. 



A young boy was laying on his bed. Tears, many tears that just wouldn’t stop falling. That boy right there, is me. Keiji Akaashi... I’m a student at a school, and I’ve recently lost someone. Someone who I went to school with. Someone who I fell in love with. Someone who taught me a different point of view about life. Someone who I didn’t give a proper goodbye to. 

Funeral of my classmate, Kōtarō Bokuto, held on a day that does not fit his character, a day where rain decided to join in. Many people cried over his departure. Most likely, because he was a great boy. Everyone loved him. For me, I didn’t go to the funeral. I stayed home, in my room locked in. 

I sent him one message before the incident happened. Did it send? Did he even read it? I don’t know. It was a very simple message though. A message that only he would get... 

16:28- I want to eat your pancreas 

. ___________

It was the month of October where owls would fly around. At the time, I went to the hospital for medical checks after an appendix operation. 

“Patient with the serial number 54, please go to C4.” 

I got up as I saw a book, most likely a diary of some sort. I walked over to pick it up as I started flipping through the pages. 

Pancreas? 

Die? 

“Thats mine.” 

I looked up to see a boy looking at me, holding out his hand. 

He had spikey black and white, with big yellow eyes. He almost looked like an owl in a way. 

“Ah I thought I lost it, but it turns out that you had it!” 

He said with a smile, it was innocent and pure. 

“Again, patient with the serial number 54, please go to C4” 

I handed him the book as I started walking past him 

“You read it, didn’t you?” 

I continued packing my bag as he spoke again, 

“I call it ‘Living with Dying’” 

“Ever since I learned about my pancreas disease, I've used it like a dairy.” 

I put on my jacket as I heard him gasp 

“You don’t think I'm joking right?! My humor isn't that dark!” 

As I still didn’t speak, he continued 

“My pancreas has stopped working... And soon,” 

“I will die.” 

I finally turned to the other male 

“You don’t say?” 

. 

. 

. 

“What?! Were you listening to me?! Usually, you would have acted more surprised! Or have said something poetic!” 

He took a step closer 

“Don’t you have anything else to say?!” 

I thought for a moment before I turned my head to look at him again, 

“No.” 

He still looked surprised... 

I was about to continue walking away as he started laughing 

“A-are you serious?” 

“Sorry, sorry!” 

I pressed my lips into a thin line watching him before I spoke up again 

“I have to go now.” 

As I walked away, I didn’t turn back. 

I felt him watch me leave as I took a deep breath... 

Some boy I met. 

_______________

I was walking to school one morning as I saw the same boy at a light pole 

“What a coincidence!” 

“Don’t bring me into your coincidences.” 

I replied as I turned the other way 

I heard footsteps behind, as he was following me 

How fun. 

“Hey, have we ever talked before?” 

“You’re always reading!” 

He finally caught up to me 

“Why were you even at the hospital? Cold? That has been spreading around, hasn’t it?” 

I looked at my watch 

“I’ll be late, goodbye” 

“Wait wait!” 

“I have a favor; I want you to keep my illness a secret. It will kind of be like, our little secret!” 

“I’ll keep it a secret, it’s not like I have anyone to tell.” 

“You don’t have any friends?!” 

He stopped in front of me as he continued wearing that same smile 

“If you want, I'll spend the rest of my life hanging out with you!” 

I let out a sigh before I replied with a “I’m good” 

“You should live however you want.” 

“Will do!” 

He let out a small chuckle as he walked away 

I watched him walk away thinking that would be the last time we shared an interaction 

But the next week he volunteered at the library I was at, for whatever reason. 

______________

“Man... that was heavy” 

He said putting his books down as he sat down, bringing out that journal again 

“I never really liked libraries.” 

“Then why are you volunteering at one?” 

He turned to me with a smile 

“Because you’re here!” 

I frowned as I looked away 

“Oh, I saw this thing last night, where it was like....” 

He started talking in this weird voice as if he’s a scientist or something. 

“In the old days, if someone’s stomach wasn’t working properly then they would eat a stomach. Same with the heart, kidneys, and the pancreas!” 

He finally turned to me 

“I want to eat your pancreas!” 

“I still need mine...” 

He started laughing again, he was always showing some sort of happiness. 

“Any chance, do you play volleyball or want to play?” 

“Not really, I've practiced but I'm not good with talking to new people” 

“You practiced?!” 

I brought a finger to my lip 

“Shh, we’re in a library” 

He started giggling, what a weird boy... 

“What position?” 

“Setter.” 

He gasped as his eyes lit up in a way 

“I’m an ace! Do you want to play one day?” 

I narrowed my eyes 

“Fine.” 

___________

He brought me to the gym, still wearing that smile. He’s going to die soon but he doesn’t act like it... He really is a strange one. 

“Here we are!” 

I looked around... It felt weird being back in a gym. I realized that he brought a volleyball as he held it walking over. 

“Ready when you are!” 

He went into position by the net as I walked over. It’s been forever, I don’t even know if I could set properly. 

I took a deep breath as he bumped it to me, I had set the ball in a good place as I watched the disease one jump and slam it down. 

My eyes widen as he started cheering 

“Hey hey hey!!” 

I turned to him as he was already looking at me 

“Your tosses are the best!” 

“Thank you...” 

“Heh again!” 

He ran over to retrieve the ball as I took a deep breath 

_____________

After many tosses, he slammed each one down. He was a great player. 

The boy was laying on his back looking up at the ceiling as he spoke, 

“I never got your name.” 

I picked up a water bottle as I narrowed my eyes. 

“It’s Keiji. Keiji Akaashi.” 

I saw the boy in the corner of my eyes raise his head slightly 

“Your name means to cure and Akaashi means Bokuto’s love!” 

I turned to him 

“What’s your name?” 

“Bokuto! Maybe, perhaps you’re the cure I've been searching for!” 

I felt my heart ache, he can’t say that so easily... 

I turned away as I tossed him a water bottle 

“Thanks for today. Bye Bokuto-san.” 

I heard his laugh echo throughout the gym as I walked away 

What are you doing to me? 

_________

“Bokuto!” 

I looked up from my textbook to see one of my classmates walk over to him 

“Ah Konoha, hey hey! 

“Why have you been hanging out with him?!” 

I saw him point to me as I put my head down 

“Because me and him are friends” 

In the corner of my eye, I saw Bokuto still smiling 

“You there.” 

I look up slightly to see the boy who sits in front of me, looking at me. 

“Do you set?” 

“Pardon?” 

“Me and some of the volleyball members saw you and our captain playing yesterday and you’re a good setter. Want to join our club?” 

“I’m good.” 

I put my head back down as I took a deep breath 

_____________

“Aggaaaaashi!!” 

I looked up from my book and narrowed my eyes 

“Bokuto-san, we’re in a library.” 

He laughed again as his eyes focused on the book in my hands 

“Me before you? Oh, I think I have a book that’s similar if you would want to read it!” 

“Sure... why not?” 

He smiled as he sat down 

___________

I walked to his house as I watched the clouds... it might rain today. 

I set my eyes back forward as I walked up his stairs 

He opened the door before I lifted up my hand 

“Come in!” 

I furrowed my eyebrows as I walked in 

“You have a nice house Bokuto-san...” 

“Thank you!” 

He started laughing again as I took a deep breath, walking behind him to his room 

_________

I thought I would just get the book and then leave... But I found me and him seated in front of his TV playing video games. 

“Ahaha! Hey hey hey! I win again!” 

I side eyed him, what a dork... 

“Hm Akaashi?” 

I looked back forward 

“Have you ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend?” 

“No.” 

“Do you want one?” 

I thought for a moment 

“Not really.” 

I got up and walked to his bookshelf 

I heard movement behind me but didn’t think much of it 

Until I felt arms around my waist. 

“Bokuto-san?” 

“Please don’t leave me.” 

My eyes widen slightly, as I felt soft shaking against my skin 

“Please.” 

I didn’t talk for a while. 

“Okay.” 

___________

After that day, Bokuto was sent to the hospital as his condition got worse. 

“Bokuto, room 103” 

“Thank you.” 

I started walking to his room but stopped as I heard two people in the room. 

It was muffled but I made out a, “You’re going to be okay, right?!” 

I felt my heart ache as I sat down, not wanting to interrupt. 

A couple minutes later the person walked out and I realized it was one of Bokuto’s friends... Konoha, I think was his name. 

I walked in and saw the other boy looking out the window. 

He turned to me and had that big smile again, painted all over his face 

He rushed over and embraced me giggling 

“I missed you!” 

“Me too...” 

___________

“I want to go see the fireworks.” 

I looked up from my book 

“Hm?” 

He turned to me still smiling, 

“The fireworks. I want to go watch them before you know...” 

My eyes widen slightly as I looked down. 

“Okay. If that’s what you want.” 

I still felt him staring at me 

“Akaashi.” 

“Yes?” 

“You’re really beautiful.” 

I looked up again as my face was a light shade of red 

“Really?” 

He smiled wider and giggled 

“You’re like a beautiful owl.” 

I smiled faintly 

“Thank you.” 

_________

“Oi! Akaashi!” 

I turned around to see Konoha walking towards me 

“Hm?” 

“What do you want from Bokuto?” 

“What do I want?” 

“Yeah! Cause he’s sensitive and if you’re just using him then going to ditch him, I suggest you stop.” 

“You think I'm using him?” 

“Stop repeating my questions and just answer them!” 

I took a deep breath before I made eye contact with him. 

“I’m not using him.” 

He narrowed his eyes as he walked away 

I looked down frowning slightly 

How could I even use him in the first place...? 

_________

“Where are we going, Bokuto-san?” 

“You’ll seeeee!” 

When he saw the spot, he was taking me, he started running towards it. 

“Be careful!” 

I followed him as I heard his laugh... 

When I managed to catch up, I stood next to him looking down at our town 

I side eyed him and felt my cheeks turn warm 

He looked gorgeous in the light... 

Then my eyes widen 

“You’re not dying soon, right?” 

He looked at me 

“Of course, I'm dying soon silly” 

“No like, you’re not dying tomorrow or something...” 

“I don’t know, why?” 

“What do you mean why? I don’t want to lose you yet!” 

I saw his eyes widen as he turned his whole body towards me 

“Y-you don’t?” 

“Of course not, you’re...” 

“You’re just perfect and I've never been happier... I’m not ready for that to go away.” 

I saw his eyes shine slightly 

“Can you promise you’ll tell me when you’re ready to go...” 

He nodded and smiled again 

“Akaashi?” 

“Hm?” 

“Can I hug you?” 

“Silly... You don’t have to ask.” 

He took a step closer as he wrapped his arms around me 

Right when I hugged him back, I heard loud noises and saw different colors painting the sky 

We pulled away and looked up at the art that was above us 

But there was a better piece of art beside me, he looked beautiful with the fireworks... 

I looked back up smiling 

____________

Today, was the day that he was going to be released from the hospital. 

I was walking when I saw that guy from my class 

“Hey! You know, you can still join our volleyball club.” 

I turned to him 

“I’m good...” 

“You sure?” 

I thought about it and then I smiled 

“Actually, I'll come by one time.” 

I waved goodbye as I started walking again 

I was in a good mood. 

Once, I got to the café I texted him 

16:20- Just arrived. 

16:20- YAY! IM SO EXCITED! :D 

I smiled at my phone 

16:21- Me too. 

16:21- Thank you again. You’re awesome! 

16:21- Your welcome 

16:22- You know, you can at least give me a compliment! .-. 

I started texting, 

‘Well, every time you walk into a room, I feel warm. Your laugh makes me have butterflies and your smile is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. You’ve helped brought me out of my shell and I want to spend more time with you. Sometimes, I don’t even know what I feel when I'm with you or what can you even call it. You’re just...perfect in every way. 

I reread the text multiple times before I deleted it and just sent a simple text that he would get, 

16:28- I want to eat your pancreas 

I put my phone down and took a sip of my drink, waiting for him to arrive 

__________

I stayed there for 4 hours... He didn’t show up. The café closed so I went home. 

“Hey mom.” 

“Hi sweetie...” 

I saw her watching the news as I walked up to my room but I froze when I heard something 

“A high school student was found stabbed in the heart on the side of the road. After some research we found out that the student was a young boy named Kōtarō Bokuto.” 

I felt my heart drop as I started breathing heavily 

That can’t be him. It can’t. 

“Sweetie?” 

I ran up to my room and fell on my knees... 

But... 

That... 

I couldn’t cry. I just felt broken. He’s actually gone, and he didn’t warn me.. 

__________

I knocked on the door 

“Hello?” 

“Hello miss, I was one of Bokuto’s friends.” 

Her eyes widen 

“You weren't at the memorial, were you?” 

I nodded slightly as she moved out of the way 

I walked into the room and sat down in front of his pictures 

I felt her watch me as she spoke when I finished 

“Your name is Akaashi, right?” 

I turned towards her and nodded 

She had a hand over her mouth as she left then came back with his journal 

“He wanted you to have this.” 

I took it from her and opened the book as my eyes widen 

‘Dear Akaashi. Hi there! This book is yours by the way ;) anyways... so I guess I died right? You have weren't at the memorial, right? AHAHAH I KNEW IT.. Well anyways, how are you doing? .-. I just want to let you know that, you made my life better. WAYY BETTER! Like you’re so awesome and I know you didn’t want me to hang out with you for the rest of my life but, I had this connection that made me want to be close with you! Now, let me tell you more about me and the way I felt. Well, I think I had a crush on youuu. MAYBE, DONT GET SO COCKY NOW! I mean, you made my life shine brighter. When I found out about my disease I felt, alone? Like, I was only 17. Buttttt, I met you! AND YOU’RE SO AWESOME SO DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT!! Continuing ^0^ You were the cure I was looking for to help me. Now I want you to make friends, okay? I don’t want to look down at you and see you’re alone again! I would never forgive myself... Well, I need to go but Akaashi, you were my cure. Thank you.’ 

_________

I reread the letter over and over again before I looked up 

“Can....” 

I took a deep breath as my voice broke 

“C-can I cry now?” 

His mom nodded as I held the book close to my chest and cried... 

I couldn’t stop. Why him? Why him, god? Why? 

________

“What do you want?” 

I looked up from my coffee and saw Konoha standing there 

I gave him the journal 

“He... wrote something for you. I think you should read it.” 

His eyes widen as he saw the book and the title 

“This...” 

I nodded as he took it and looked through the pages 

I heard soft whimpering as I frowned. 

He fell to his knees and cried louder. 

I kneeled down and gave him a side hug 

“I know...” 

“He.... didn’t d-deserve that...” 

“He really didn’t.” 

He embraced me all the way and cried into my shoulder as I felt my heart break. 

___________

5 months later 

I kneeled down in front of the grave and smiled 

“Hey Bokuto. Guess what? We won the practice match today! I still wish I could set to you but, maybe when we meet again... In another life, right?” 

An owl, a white one with black streaks flew past me as I sat down all the way, 

“I have so much to tell you so make sure to keep listening.” 

The owl let out a hoot as it perched right on the grave. 

“Welcome back.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hii, so this is my first fanfic and i'm sorry that it isn't that good but i hope you liked it!


End file.
